in the middle

grad blog

2010-03-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

"..as you stand up tomorrow,

i want you to burn your boats."

color coding. that's how i could clearly remember my first year in high school.

i was in an all-green outfit as i walked along the corridors of my second home for the first time, complete with an anxious smile and the same doubtful face. i could clearly recall how finding Admon in a corner waiting for me felt like a thorn was being pulled out from my bleeding, young heart. that was how it all started. piece by piece, everything came into place as i amazingly advanced to rooms, then floors, then years i never thought i'd be making.

everything i've been through in high school was but a port where time allowed me to make memories that made my departure painful. now, i have to embark on a ship to my next destination. i have to leave everything behind for an empty, deserted island where no one knows me and where i am alone. i have to leave and journey to my empty island. and there, the first thing i'd do is burn my ship.

everything happened too fast paced that it's just now that i realized that there's no turning back, no matter how i wail, or cry, or plead.

everything happened too fast paced that staring at all the unexpected medals and awards i received just can't ease the peculiar pain of nostalgia knowing that i won't be spending breaks or free periods with the same faces anymore.

everything happened too fast paced that no matter how excited i was in the past days about this day, i just wish it never came.

"...Ma. Roqueza Asuncion A. Gopez"

i stood up, walked, then smiled.

before anybody knew, God saw that as i stood, i lit up my match and allowed my ship to be swallowed up by the flames only He can stop.

year book?

2009-11-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

the first trial design our lay-out editor made. he wanted the Sulo logo to have like one of those Beyonce had with her concert. so, there. it's vector-ish and blue! hahaha not bad for a first draft. :)

ok. ok. we were all shivered, i mean I was really shivered when i was told that our year books would or SHOULD be released on or before our graduation day. OKAY? In Corpus Christi, upon graduation, there is that 3-year-long process of waiting until you get a hold of your much awaited year book... and that had been the process since i took my first ever baby step on the corridors of my second home! now, who wouldn't be shocked? and i was just told yesterday! so, like less than 4 months to work on something that previous batches took 2 summers (or 1?) to finish! but hey hey hey. hahaha (i forgot what to say, just said 'hey hey hey'.) this is one major change i wasn't expecting, really. but i know we could do this. :)

fight!

2009-11-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

ok. so my fingers are up again. im up again. what's up? hahaha

RANDOM thoughts:

ONE. i actually spent the day with old friends. you know the feeling of thinking that things would never happen the way it did back then, but it actually did? hahaha okay, so not exactly like before but in one way or another, the modern time had it's own way of interpreting (or showing?) a new version of unforgettable moments. get what i mean? HAHAHA im so getting excited that i couldn't find the right words to express how i feel. i'm just happy i still found reasons to wake up tomorrow. :) that's it. exactly! :)

TWO. missing afternoon classes means missing math-a discussion. and missing math-a discussion means failing tomorrow. (huwaaaat?) hahaha. i hope I'd be wrong this time. :P

THREEEEEE. i'm just happy. hahaha see what happiness brings? :P

good night!

go to hell.

2009-10-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

RANTS:

1.) shoot. i just remembered that tomorrow's going to be crazy with two long tests waiting for me. i mean TWO: physics and economics. :( and what made things even better is that i haven't even started studying yet. ok, so what's the big deal? i'm gonna flunk, and everything. and that's one thing among many others that i don't want to happen simply because... i know myself. if I'd allow it to happen once, it would definitely happen again. and again. and again.

OK. SUPER Loser. i'm actually worried about academics.

2.) why do i have to do things all alone? could i have someone to share the pressure with? the pain? the sweat? the tears? the rants? the whatevers? i know there's something more than all these. i just can't see the light.

damn my group mates.

GTH.

are we part of this?

2009-10-01T02:13:00.001-07:00

I remember a Tuesday afternoon where i was laughing at this certain priest who, during the homily, lectured about global warming and everything that comes with it. and to tell you, i wasn't laughing for nothing! he brought cans, dude! empty coke cans and water bottles to show the difference of drinking from those to God-knows-where! and, oh! how could i ever forget how he stated the effects of eating burgers. okay, so i might laugh at these things. but what has happened in the Philippines brought me to somewhere i never thought i would be in. and it all makes sense now.

he was actually making sense...

the Saturday the typhoon blew Luzon away, i was out of the house, so basically i didn't have any idea about what was happening until the next day i woke up and watched television. all i knew before was that there was a typhoon and as an effect, we, here in Mindanao, also experienced heavy rainfalls. but not as heavy as what Luzon had...

watching the news brought me to utter shock and disbelief. okay, so i was about to believe everything, until i saw a video clip about this certain TV star on the roof due to the flood water rising. OH MY. that worse? then everything followed--from celebs asking the companies they are endorsing for donations, to death tolls rising, to missing people being found dead, to families volunteering for packing relief goods. right then i knew it was all true. and together, the Philippines faced another calamity that once again proved the spirit of bayanihan in the truest sense of Filipino blood.

the calamity might probably opened our eyes to facts we thought of as fabrications, to possibilities we never expected. but more than that, it has left a big slap on our faces with the question: 'are we part of this?'

bitch 16

2009-08-20T03:18:00.000-07:00

so when was the last time i skipped school just because i don't feel like going? hahaha ok, i wasn't. i know it was bad to miss a day but deep inside, i know there's something i got to do, or have to, to bring back the drive. to the right direction, if that makes sense. even just for a day? ha-ha

i've talked to friends and they really sensed (heeeeelll sensed) that something was wrong. and they kinda called it 'bitch 16: what you get from sweet 16'. i'd really love to think it that way, but either ways i'm not leading to where i'm s'pose to be heading to. where am i going anyways?

ok. spill it.

lots of questions have been, what? corrupting my mind? college, service, friends, family. it all just came in one big BOOM and woooot! i'm tired. fed-up. exhausted. lost. devastated. dead? ok. the whole point is... wait. i don't even know the damn point! it's like living everyday just to NOT disappoint people you love. but hell you wake up the next day and read a post on your Facebook wall that says YOU'RE DIAPPONTING ME :( coming from the very person you've been doing all these for. although i didn't actually do something wrong. yes, i'm a bitch. hell i'm a bitch. with everything i'm keeping inside, all the hopes i'm holding on to, all my dreams that came to waste, i just can't see the light.

i know i will, soon.

i just hope that time comes before i totally lose hope.

to see.

i guess i'm just not broken. i'm a mess. a bitchy one, alryt.

free hugs :)

2009-08-10T05:31:00.000-07:00

yes, i'm 16!

i dunno if that's a thing to be proud of but i know it's something i should be thankful for-- 16 years of amazingly living. :) there are certain people i would really love to thank. but, BUT. i don't know where, or even how to start.

can't really sort my feelings right now.
i just gave out free hugs to everyone. HAHA

didn't

2009-08-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

yes, i didnt know how bad it hurt.

until i learned that i knew nothing, despit everything.

yes, i didnt know it was true.

until you let me believe that it was not true at all.

yes, i didnt know where i'de gone.

until you asked me and led me back to the road.

yes, i didnt know i was giving so much.

until i knew that it was all for nothing.

yes, i didnt know i was that confusing.

until you left without uttering a single word.

yes. i just didnt know what happend.

i just dont.

MARS

2009-08-01T02:01:00.000-07:00

angry, depressed, tired, humiliated, FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

either ways, i don't know how i feel. or what to feel, rather.

i just grew tired on sorting my feelings that i don't even know what's true anymore.

economics.

2009-08-01T01:57:00.000-07:00

our t-shirt design for economics.

i just felt like posting. haha

:))

2009-07-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

she flashed that notorious smile, and said "mubalik ra na. just wait."

as i can remember, i just flashed back a shy smile and never believed on what she said.

i never thought i would be remembering that incident back when i was a fresman. where i talked to a senior friend who happened to know a lot about what i went, and am going through now. the memory brings back every silly thing i did. and suprisingly, the feeling.

i know it's not right. i know it can't be possible anymore. THE HELL I KNOW I CAN"T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

sucha silly thing. haha

for values :)

2009-07-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

for my values reflection. cute ryt? :')

papa's day blog.

2009-06-20T18:32:00.001-07:00

I don’t know what to say if I would ever see you again. Maybe I would just cry or laugh in happiness, stare or just be in utter shock in disbelief, or probably touch you again just to assure me that you are really there---alive.

But there’s just one thing I know that’s certain: I miss you. Maybe not more than how you miss your little princess, but just enough to make me feel incomplete every single day I wake up and realize that you’re not there anymore. For 10 years you’ve been missing in my life, it leaves me clueless on what to say or even on where to start if you were to ask me what has been happening while you were away. i want to tell you everything, but i don't know how. i don't know if you're feeling my pains too, if you're also happy whenever I am. I don't know what you're reaction would be when you see me; how I look, how I talk, how i smile, how I breathe. I don't know how you would feel when i'de hug you tight or kiss you just like before. the truth is, i don't even know how it feels to have you around anymore.

i miss you. not enough, right?

quesa- 07/23/09 (late post)

2009-06-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

it's not that it's senior pressure or what. i just felt the need to blog it all out, and... breathe.

the doors are locked, windows closed, lights out.

there's nothing more i want to do but to fail even more, not because i already grew fond of the feeling, but it just gets tiring to even try to succeed when nobody even wants you to. it's just so tiring to talk, when no one even dares to listen. it's damn tiring to go, and go alone. but hell yes, im just trying so hard. just so damn hard. it doesn't even make sense.

WTH, im talking about this when i just dont want to.

-just updating and posting unposted ones. even those not done yet. well, for whatever purpose it may serve. :)

quesa- 07/23/09

2009-06-07T21:30:00.000-07:00

so much for the first day of our last year in high school, emotions were expected to mix up as we walked along the corridors of what I treated as my second home for 13 years.

-blog i haven't finished. well, guess i don't have to. HAHA

escapade.

2009-05-27T02:00:00.000-07:00

My cousin's wedding brought the whole family to Pagadian City, where we traveled to through 3 automobiles, all occupied by my relatives.

On our way, we passed through a deserted highway (or shortcut?) which we later found out was the road rebels take when they attack certain areas

in Mindanao.

Thank God we're still alive. :)